If you were looking at the online interaction between me and my husband you wouldn’t even think we were friends, let alone married. He never “likes” my photos or posts and he rarely comments on any of my statuses. This has led to some of my friends and even some of my relatives writing to me on social media to ask if everything is ok with us. At first, I was baffled that people would think my husband and I were having marital problems because he didn’t “like” my new profile selfie. Of course, he didn’t “like” it. He was there when I took it. Why would he have liked it online when he’s already seen it?
But that started me thinking about the way that social media shapes the public view of our relationships. Our marriage is rock solid, but there were people who knew us both assuming that we were in trouble because we didn’t interact on social media. Isn’t that weird? Maybe it isn’t. Maybe we should be judging other people’s relationships by what we see online. But I don’t think so. And here’s why:
Social media isn’t real. It’s a construct that we’ve made up where everyone always looks great and is having fun and magically good lighting is simply everywhere. Social media is the hyper-glossy version of our everyday boring lives. No one cares when I make pork chops for dinner. Social networks is what we wish our lives were like, not what our lives are actually like.
The Science Behind It
And science backs that up. There is actual evidence that couples who are all into each other’s social media and posting photos constantly of the two of them being happy and commenting all over each other’s pages are actually really unhappy. The best relationships, according to science and psychology, are the ones where the partners don’t feel the need to interact constantly on social media or post photos of how happy they are.
So no, don’t be mad if your partner doesn’t like all your social media posts, tag you in every photo, or post dozens of photos of the two of you together. If your relationship is solid it doesn’t need to be constantly on display. And if your partner does start getting clingy on social media or starts using spy apps on then you should probably have a conversation with your partner about the status of your relationship. Or do a background check on Kiwi Searches.